On Dieting, emphasis on the word "die"

In a moment of vanity-fueled daftness, I decided that I would cut out all carbs to try and lose some of the padding I've been slowly but steadily adding since puberty.  I ate protein, I ate veggies.  I did not have my regular whole wheat raisin roll and Lescure butter with lunch.  I thought I could give the no-carb thing a two week run, see if I could tough it out.

Let me tell you something, that shit is WRONG.  I am only allowed to be that annoyed and irritable once a month, and even then I find myself intolerable. 

I only lasted about 10 hours.  After an unsatisfying supper of spaghetti squash with oven roasted tomatoes and tofu, Doug came home and didn't have to twist my arm to get me to join him at al di la.  I ordered a second dinner of the gloriously butter-slicked, high-carb beet and ricotta filled casunziei and washed it down with a glass of sweet prosecco.  I am starting to feel like a human being again. 

I'm going to bed on a starch-laden full stomach to the sound of the summer storm as a damp breeze circulates through my window, and if I get struck by lightning in my sleep, at least I will already be in HEAVEN.