I'm just not that hungry anymore.

Okay, that's not true.  I'm broke and fat and in a bit of a bad mood.  After getting back from a divine vacay, I seem to have been suffering from mild depression. 

I went to the eye doctor on Monday morning.  It was supposed to be a routine checkup.  I got my driver's license renewal form in the mail and I have til the end of the month to turn it in with eye exam results.  Since I know that I'd most likely fail a driving test if I had to take one today, I figured I'd better get off my ass and renew by mail so I could go on pretending that my pristine driving record is a result of my perfect driving and not my lack of driving.

I went to see the optometrist at 8 a.m. on a Monday.  While spelunking around, she stopped.  She and her magnified eyeball bore down on something in my left eyeball.  You know you're in trouble when the doctor parks it in one spot. 

So she tells me that I've got a retinal hole that will probably require laser eye surgery.  The retina is the light sensitive saran wrap in the back of your eyeball, and a hole means fluid or blood can seep in and do permanent damage to eyesight.  Let me tell you something -- needles, blood, clubbed baby seals I can handle.  Having someone clamp my eye open and shoot my already shoddy eyeball with scar-producing jedi laser beams scares the shit out of me.  But I really don't want to go blind.  I can't afford to lose what little sight I have left.  I mean, what life/job skills do I have that don't require my eyeballs?  I swear, I have no idea how my ancestors' myopic genes made their way on down the line without getting naturally unselected by hungry tigers.

Unfortunately, I've already done plenty of superficial internet searching that has convinced me that my lifestyle choices will soon turn my eyeballs to swiss cheese.  I know it's a lot of fearmongering BUT I NEED MY WEBMD. 

On top of this, I haven't done yoga in over two weeks and don't plan to until after I see the doctor.  I actually think the inversions have been exacerbating my vision problems.  It was about six months ago that I started doing yoga seriously, and shortly afterwards I started seeing these flashes -- like I'd see a dog run in my peripheral vision even though I knew there was no dog in the room, or I'd see a floating ball of light in the upper corner of my vision.  It's like being on acid, with all the paranoia and none of the fun.  (Not that I know what acid is like, mae.)

Since I do not want to be walking around with an eyepatch like a Momus-biting pirate, next week my overdrama and I see the retinal specialist. 

UPDATE:  I never meant for this blog to devolve into another onanistic self-haterade blog.  I needed to get it out of my system.  I'm going to shut up already and get back to the food!