- Best thing I've seen all week -- Sunday, 11:00 a.m. dim sum at World Tong in Bensonhurst, two fuzzy-eyed old Chinese ladies dressed in floral polyester practically wrestling each other to the ground over the check, $100 bill in hand. For those of you not well-versed in the martial art of check-fighting, fight clean, but remember, elder trumps younger, grasshopper.
- Seen at Sunrise Mart in Soho -- a handwritten sign for special konnyaku that says, "GOOD FOR ASSIMILATION".
- Strict parents produce overweight kids. Is there anything that ISN'T yo mama's fault?
- Speaking of mamas, tell yo baby mama -- just two drinks a week can lower an unborn child's IQ. Test subjects also being sought for study on possible adverse effects of dropping a baby on its head more than once a week.
- We're still talkin bout yo mama -- pregnant ladies shouldn't eat tuna. Young children should eat no more than 1/2 a can chunk-light tuna per week. Women of child-bearing age should eat no more than 3 cans of chunk-light tuna per week. Tuna chart does not mention how much tuna single women of child-bearing age who could only get pregnant by immaculate conception should eat. Please advise.
someone's ready for oysters....
(look at you! throwing it down like that.)