Unsatisfied

Frank Bruni's review of Mr. Chow:

"For crab meat soup, $13. Were there discernible crab in it, you'd understand. But there wasn't, so my companions and I didn't."

"The cubes of bland flesh could have come from any number of beasts or birds. And for $31.50, there weren't many cubes. If I'm going to get a main course this mediocre, I'd at least like more of it."

"If I learned that it had been plucked from a freezer after the better part of a decade and then nuked in a microwave for the better part of a day, I'd be shocked. It didn't taste nearly that tender or flavorful."

"At the start of each meal, servers push expensive Champagne. ("For a toast! How about a toast? Don't you want to make a toast?") They do it even if you have a full martini in front of you. Even if you have already said no."

"On a slightly busier night, it took repeated pleas and 25 minutes to get a check. Once we were done with spending, our servers were done with us."

And yet, Bruni falls one ball short of giving the place a Poor rating. Come on, man! Feed our bloodlust!