July 2006 Archives

Have you ever waited for 4 1/2 hours for a piece of cake? I have. Today. Cake Man Raven popped that cherry.

Cake Man Raven's shop is just a hot little storefront with French doors blockaded by cooling racks and a front door blockaded by an empty refrigerated display case. There are no chairs, save a few metal park-style benches on the sidewalk. There's no a/c, so the icing tends to ooze in the oven-heated room. And today, there were no cakes.

I went at 4:20, waited for 20 minutes only to be told that there would be no slices of cake available for another 30 minutes. I came back 30 minutes later, only to be told that there would be no red velvet cake for another 15 minutes. I came back 45 minutes later, only to be told that red velvet cake was sold out, and that they didn't even know when it might come out again. Finally, I returned at 8:30 to relieve Doug who had been waiting on line with a dozen like-minded, annoyed patrons for a half hour. People were pissed. I was annoyed.

A woman in front of me spoke sternly to the kid behind the register for not having more cake prepared for all of the customers lined up outside the restaurant.

"Uh-uh," she said, "Put that cake in the fridge to set it. I don't want my cake sliding around. We waited this long, we can wait a few minutes more."

She turned to the throng lined up behind her. "Right? We waited this long. You gotta speak your mind." When one cake with nuts came out, she began bagging the clamshelled slices of cake, passing them to people behind her, and passing the cash to the listless youth at the counter.

"Tell Cake to call me. Tell him I had to organize for y'all. Tell him Kativa wants to have a word with him."

I have to thank Kativa for taking charge because finally, after 4 1/2 hours of trying, I got my cake. Was it worth the wait? I don't know if any cake is worth a 4 1/2 hour wait, but this one was pretty fucking fantastic. Even though it's a touch too sweet for my taste, it's still probably the best red velvet cake I've ever had. Still slightly warm from the oven, the blood red cake had a rich cocoa flavor (likely made with the industrial sized bag of Hershey's cocoa powder which I spied on their shelf) and super buttery, unctuous moistness with a spongy crumb. The sugary cream cheese frosting, melting in the heat, had just the lightest tang and the tiny grit of powdered sugar.

Even so, it was too hot to be waiting around for hours for a piece of cake. I won't do it again. At least I won't do it again this week.

Cake Man Raven
708 Fulton St., Brooklyn
718-694-2253
C to Lafayette Ave.

Molly Ringwald, frozen margaritas, and my own motley crew? Dreamy. I'd love for the frozen margaritas to be $5 instead of $7.25, but you really can't argue with $2.50 draft beers and plenty of outdoor seating in a fun pastel plaza. The outdoor solar-powered kitchen-in-a-truck and stationary bike-powered smoothie stand were joined by community artisans selling jewelry and clothing. My great, no-nonsense grilled pork chop special ($13) came with a delicious mound of tomato confettied guac, yellow rice, and black beans into which I accidentally poured half a cup of Tapatío. Their dry-barbecued corn on a stick with mayo, cotija cheese, chili and lime is quintessential. We got drunk quickly in the summer heat, then camped out at a bench table next to the pretty little gurgling fountain until the meager city sprinkling of stars came out. We even stayed well into the night to watch their Sunday night movie (The Breakfast Club) play on the peach-painted side of the building next door. (Which character was I in high school? my friend Meg asked. Definitely Anthony Michael Hall.) This is why I summer in Brooklyn.

Habana Outpost
757 Fulton St.
718-858-9500
C to Lafayette Ave.

Name: Mr. Cutlets

Occupation: New York's Most Conspicuous Carnivore

Relationship status: Single

Borough: Brooklyn

What did you eat today?

Thick, irregular slices of Hebrew National salami uneasily arranged on a soft onion roll; coffee; Chinese jerky treats; water; wild cherry Diet Pepsi; Malaysian sliders at 230 Fifth Avenue; Robbie Richter's leftover deckle brisket from Grill Kings, grossly undervalued by its judges, slowly reheated in a toaster oven. And, at the time of writing, a Heath bar.

What do you never eat?

Vegetables.

Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator, you can always find:

Diet soda; bacon; a container of something I can't identify; good butter; a tub of parkay margarine; a can of evaporated milk (for coffee); a well-intentioned, decaying piece of fruit; sliced American cheese; air bread; a Kossar's bialy; chow mein noodles. No wonder Ruth Reichl gets more house guests than I do.

What is your favorite kitchen item?

My cast-iron skillet, beaten and bent, the closest thing I have to a "life partner."

Where do you eat out most frequently?

I actually bought an apartment just a few blocks from Di Fara so that I could go there every day, but once a week in this heat is about all I can take. I receive frequent deliveries from the Newkirk Plaza Restaurant, which makes good pancakes and adequate club sandwiches. Veselka....All this is me eating out as a civilian. In my professional capacity, I'm called upon to constantly eat in different places, and rare is the day when I can settle in on a familar counter stool like everybody else.

World ends tomorrow. What would you like for your last meal?

I actually think about this very frequently. I suspect that indecisiveness, rather than fear, would kill my appetite. But assuming that I had Ricky Ray Rector's blissful presence of mind, I would certainly include large portions of all of the following: Waffle House hash browns, smothered, doubly oily;
a white nectarine from The Orchard;
thick slices of Benton's bacon;
a slice of Katz's pastrami;
pork ribs and prime rib from Kreuz market in Texas;
a slice each of Dom DeMarco's plain pie, round pepperoni pie, square pepperoni pie, and square artichoke pie, all inspected to avoid burn spots;
four Old English Garlic Rounds with corresponding squares of American cheese;
a glass of whole organic milk with plenty of Fox's U-Bet carefully mixed in, with no blotting;
Michel Rostang's epigram of lamb;
french fries from Lila's of Miami;
a tub of Kozy Shack pudding;
a good chilean sea bass;
one of Charles Gabriel's chicken thighs;
a briny Cape May oyster;
a limousin rib steak, cut from rib number 5, browned in my cast iron pan, and then finished in the oven.
Maybe another grape.

At that point I would welcome death.

Visit Mr. Cutlets at his web home, where he has his own fancy theme song. Soon you will also be able to visit him at New York magazine, where he'll be the new online food guru.

GANDA: So my mom wants to come out to visit and asked if I could find her a room to sublet. So I was like, Mae, why don't you just stay with us. But she said she didn't want to impose on you.

DOUG: Oh, that's so sweet. You know it's fine, right?

GANDA: Yeah, I know, so I told her your mom stays with us all the time. But if my mom comes, we have to hide the alcohol.

[Silence. Doug's jaw grazes the ground.]

DOUG: Everything?

GANDA: Yeah.

DOUG: Like not even a bottle of wine?

GANDA: Yeah.

DOUG: Are you serious?

GANDA: Yeah.

DOUG: Your mom doesn't know you drink?

GANDA: Look, she has this nice image of me that allows her to sleep at night and I don't want to take that away from her.

Like a pristine lily pad in a yuppie scum filled pond, Jadis may be one of the few civilized places left on the Lower East Side. Going out on a Friday or Saturday night in Manhattan usually comes with a few guarantees -- a fight for the bartender's attention, a scramble for a bar stool or booth, a hoarse voice from yelling my conversation over speakers blasting the latest banal indie rockers, and an empty wallet at the end of the night. So Jadis is a great new discovery, courtesy of my friend Heej -- exposed brick walls and a scalloped brick ceiling; tiny, flickering oil lamps; bottles and bottles of wine in glass cabinets; dark stained tables with low stools and a huge black leather modular couch. Where else on the LES can you roll in with a birthday party of 12 on a Saturday night, commandeer two roomy tables for a solid six hours, and tear through seven bottles of prosecco, as well as a great selection of wines by the glass, Kronembourg in bottles and Stella on tap? Need to stave off the hangover? Share a generous cheese board with green grapes and baguette rounds ($16), or a charcuterie board with smoked duck, salami, duck liver mousse, and country paté ($16) with everyone at the table. Our friendly, lovely Spanish waitress even brought us all glasses of ice water between popping prosecco corks -- a civilized gesture in this age of high table turnover. The uncrowded crowd was mostly nice Asian i-banker kittens and the geeky men who chase them, allowing us to be the most obnoxious group in the place. Over two dozen of Jadis's full bottles of reds, whites, and sparklings from around the world go for less than $30, so even a long evening like ours was pretty easy on the wallet. It also appears to still be off the Jersey weekend warrior/art school trustafarian radars, making for a pleasantly low-key, adult hang. Jadis is everything that other place down the street was supposed to be and more.

Jadis
42 Rivington between Forsythe and Eldridge
F to 2nd Ave., D to Grand St.

Name: Lynn Rogan

Occupation: graphic designer

Borough: Brooklyn

Relationship status: In a relationship

What did you eat today?

Well this morning was a bit out of the ordinary because I discovered some leftover corncake batter in my frig that had to be eaten right away. So hot corncakes it was (this batch even had FRESH corn—yummm!) and they were a delicious way to start a Wednesday, with coffee and cantaloupe. For lunch I am eating a salad from SoHomade Soups with greens, tomatoes, portabellas and green pepper (why didn’t I ask for cheese?) and the world’s tiniest piece of cornbread. Yesterday’s lunch was much better: penne lunch special from Pepe Rosso on Sullivan St.

What do you never eat?

I wouldn’t knowingly eat an insect.

Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator, you can always find:

Yogurt

What is your favorite kitchen item?

Salad spinner, but that’s just because I don’t own a melon baller

Where do you eat out most frequently?

Pearl Oyster Bar is my most favorite place, but most frequent would have to be the Italian restaurant on my corner in Brooklyn.

World ends tomorrow. What would you like for your last meal?

Raw oysters. Wine. Standing rib roast. Yorkshire pudding. Gravy. Corn on the cob slathered in butter. Tomatoes right off the vine and still warm from the sun. Macadamia Nut cream pie. If I had to pick only one of those things, I think it would be the tomatoes.

When I register for my unwedding, the Paco Jet will be somewhere at the top of my wishlist. It's a genius ice cream/sorbet maker which shave-purees anything you can deep freeze into a sort of ultrafine granité. Chikalicious uses it for their frozen desserts, like the flavorful corn ice cream that accompanied my cherry soup, or the smooth, milky quenelle of sweetly clean vanilla sorbet nestled atop the little cup of espresso gelee. The fresh peach sorbet is a contradiction in senses -- it tastes like a bite out of a soft but icy sunripened peach.

Imagine the possibilities! Apple sorbet that captures the fleeting perfume of crisp fall Macouns! Scoops of frozen-pureed celery and fresh horseradish in an icy bloody mary! Fresh arugula sorbet with parmesan and beef carpaccio!

Not that I'd actually make those things. I just love the idea.

I love culinary cultural exchanges. French occupation of Vietnam gave us Vietnamese sandwiches on airy rice flour baguettes. According to a story my friend Miho loves to tell, an Indian prince fell in love with a Japanese woman and stayed in Japan to be with her. She, in turn, created Japanese-style curry to sate her lover's craving for the food of his homeland. In Alsace, sauerkraut and wurst-laden choucroute celebrates the cultural mesh of German and French.

So when I was walking down 32nd St. and saw a menu advertising ja jang myun at Shanghai Mong, I had to stop in and try some. Ja jang myun is a delicious noodle dish made with spaghetti-width Chinese wheat noodles and a black bean gravy with vegetables and meat. According to Asia Food's website, ja jang myun is a Korean dish with Chinese origins. Actually, the only place I ever tried it was at a Chinese restaurant that may or may not have been run by Koreans on Shattuck Ave. in Berkeley, CA. I thought about that dish from time to time, the way one thinks of an excellent one night stand. "I wonder if that ja jang myun's still as good as I remember."

Shanghai Mong advertises itself as a Shanghai fusion restaurant. It's an odd place, the wait staff bedecked in Pearl River Mart chinoiserie, tufts of astroturf serving as bright green accents against the caricature Chinese reds and lacquer blacks. The restaurant is shaped like a wrist watch, the front and back rooms like long watch band strips. Oddest of all is the watch face middle room. Individual seating is in the round, with diners facing out at the circumference of the room, not in. In the middle of the watch face is a brown velvet button of a couch where I guess people are supposed to hang out and wait for their tables.

In a way, this circular middle room makes Shanghai Mong an ideal, no-nonsense place to eat when you're alone, as evidenced by the many Korean businessmen who came and went as I sat there with my ja jang myun. But, like any other New Yorker, I hate sitting with my back to the room. Even more disconcerting was having to stare at the iridescent tile on the wall twelve inches in front of my face the whole time I was eating. I like being alone with my thoughts, but I don't like being cooped up with them.

The ja jang myun? It was aight, and cheap at $5.95. Soft, elastic yellow wheat noodles were nestled under a robe of black bean gravy with a sort of burnt sugar sweetness, studded with overcooked potato, tender cubes of zucchini, caramelized onion, and tough little chips of what could have been air dried beef or dried scallops or shoe leather for all I know. I should have ordered what the guy next to me had -- a genius bowl divided by a wall down the middle, one half filled with ja jang myun, the other half filled with spicy noodle soup with seafood. I think it's only a dollar or two more than the plain ja jang myun.

The search continues for the delicious ja jang myun of my memory. Anybody have any recommendations?

Shanghai Mong
30 W. 32nd St. (Koreablock) between 5th and Bway
BDFV to 34th St.
6 to 33rd St.

Genius. This is why I'm afraid of blind dates.

Name: Kathy Tsina

Occupation: fashion designer

Borough: Manhattan

Relationship status: Dating

What did you eat today?

Breakfast:

Oatmeal with raspberries, Iced soy latte

Lunch:

Pomegranate iced tea, lobster roll with french fries

Iced green tea, Blueberries

Dinner:

Fennel salad with parmesan and lemon dressing. Sancerre, Sullivan St. bakery bread with Humboldt Fog cheese.

Fat Witch Caramel brownie

What do you never eat?

Carrots, anchovies, and I never drink beer or eat hamburgers.

Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator, you can always find:

champagne
sparkling and flat water
fresh iced tea
limes
berries
soy milk
leftovers
eggs
cheese
vitamins
strawberry jam
maple syrup
Butter

Freezer:
Ice cream
frozen Peet's coffee [I love me some Peet's! --Ed.]
frozen chocolate
Gauloises

What is your favorite kitchen item?

I really like my old fashioned juicer these days

Where do you eat out most frequently?

I would be lying and teased if I didn't say Mama Buddha on Hudson. It’s just so close to my apt., and I love the ladies, they remind me of my mum. I have a theory that they are all sisters and secret, struggling actresses. They make excellent orange chicken, pickled vegetables, and hot and sour soup.

World ends tomorrow. What would you like for your last meal?

Salad with endive, spinach, Roquefort, beets. walnuts.

Fresh grilled ahi tuna and halibut, with marinated grilled vegetables.

Sea salt and pepper pasta, with meyer lemon and aged parmesan.

Freshly baked wheat bread with organic butter.

Vanilla Gelato with fresh blueberries strawberries and my mom’s orange strawberry short cake

Dry White, Pouilly Fume or Sancerre, Pellegrino, and my friends of course.