You Are What You Eat, Jeff Gramm

Name: Jeff Gramm

Borough: Brooklyn

Relationship status: Single, but I eat couple-sized portions!

What did you eat today?

Breakfast: plain yogurt, lemon guava and mango. Lunch: Leftover bulgoki on bread. Dinner: I don’t know what I’ll get, but we’re going to Rainbow Drive-In, best plate-lunch on Oahu. [You're in Hawaii? --Ed.]

What do you never eat?

I’m not all that into organ meat, although there are some exceptions. I like most types of liver, for example. I don’t drink soda. I never go out of my way to eat potatoes or brown rice, I guess.

Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator, you can always find:

My housemate’s tofu-dogs. What’s the half-life of those fucking things?

What is your favorite kitchen item?

Fred Kovey, obviously. Sadly, my kitchen houses neither Fred nor more traditional kitchen items. Right now it has Annie Hayden’s keyboard, a tent and a huge stack of my unopened mail. Maybe I can trade in that keyboard for one of those combination hot dog maker / bun-toaster devices?

Where do you eat out most frequently?

I would like to say I eat out most frequently at my favorite restaurants, but surely my most common destinations are local: Pakistani food on Coney Island Ave, Veggie Castle, the Avenue U corridor, DiFara’s, Cinco de Mayo on Cortelyou.

World ends tomorrow. What would you like for your last meal?

Hmmm, I’ve never really been too picky about food combinations. . . I’m in the subset of people that gets both the chicken and the tacos (and meximelts!) at those KFC/Taco Bells (I guess that also puts me in the slightly larger subset of people who would actually enter a KFC/Taco Bell). So I would opt for a huge selection of my favorite foods rather than my favorite meal. Perhaps I will do you a favor and restrict my list to ten.

1) Maryland Blue Crabs 1 steamed hardshell, 1 fried softshell and half a crab-cake.
2) One small piece of spam musubi
3) Papaji’s hawaiian style-kalbi with kimchi and with a taste of kalbi jim on the side
4) One-half Ben’s Chili Bowl chili-cheeseburger with mayonnaise
5) One quarter-dark Peruvian chicken from El Pollo Rico in Arlington
6) One spicy-tuna handroll and maybe a few ounces of toro
7) One bite of fatty brisket (Cooper’s maybe?) and a forkload of Vietnamese porkchop with fried egg over crushed rice.
8) One Sichuan wonton in red oil chased by Jerusalem style lamb-fat kabob.
9) One small plate of roasties from Canton: duck and goose only.
10) 6 shots of Rye followed by one jalapeno slider, some Katz's pastrami, one fresh sausage and cheese kolache, one roti canai, one-half Chicago pork-chop sandwich and whatever other drunk food I can only think of when I’m drunk.

Hmm, banh mi, dipped sandwiches, burgers and tortas did not make the list. No curries, chilidogs or pizza either. I also really love a good BLT with a lot of mayo. Shit, and no dumplings or veggies of any kind. Maybe I can get a few days of advance warning for this whole world ending thing?