This morning I bought my lunch of two hot tamales from a kid hiding inside a dark van with all the shades drawn. I recognized his orange Coleman coolers of foil-wrapped tamales and large thermoses of hot arroz con leche and champurrado in the shadows of the van. He's probably the tamale lady's kid. His scout was up the block, presumably watching for the cops who've been uncompassionately busting the small-time street vendors.
And that's how we roll in Sunset Park.
Ohmygodarah, I love this Brian Bernbaum guy! Check out the Yokel's Guide to Pure Food & Wine. Love the caption:
Fennel, rosemary and cashew ‘cheese’ tart with blood orange and pinot blanc dressing. Remember: don’t place your order using ‘finger quotes.’
Two reviews, two very different experiences. The New York Times' Frank Bruni and New York Magazine's Adam Platt battle BLT Fish!
On the appetizers:
Bruni sez: "Next come Cheddar and chive biscuits with butter drenched in maple syrup, another indication of Mr. Tourondel's readiness to tilt in unexpected directions to delight and sate you. Appetizers are less blunt but no less enjoyable." Mmm-hmm!
Platt sez: "Before the meal, every table is also served a batch of warm, delicious biscuits flavored with Cheddar cheese and chives. These biscuits are a conscious echo of the much-praised popovers at BLT Steak, but what they have to do with seafood isn’t entirely clear. Then come the appetizers, which are the most successful category on the menu, mainly because they give Tourondel an opportunity to actually do some cooking." Ooh, snap!
On the fish:
Bruni sez: " The main reason is Mr. Tourondel's discernibly greater passion for the life aquatic...(Y)ou would be harder pressed to encounter a fish as exquisitely moist, delicately flavored and expertly prepared as the whole pink snapper at BLT Fish." DOH!
Platt sez: "When it comes to the main Fish section, however, things go strangely wrong. I didn’t know quite what to do with my piece of unadorned Icelandic halibut, which looked lovely in its clean, blocky whiteness but was overcooked. " WHOA!
On the side dishes and condiments:
Bruni sez: "And you can request, on the side, one of an array of house-made condiments, from a sprightly ginger ketchup to a wickedly indulgent lime-cilantro mayonnaise...[E]ach of those sides easily serves two people, and some are wonderful, especially the salt-crusted sunchokes (also known as Jerusalem artichokes), served with a spread of crème fraîche and white truffle oil, and the crunchy, shamelessly buttery silver dollar potatoes. It's hard to quibble too much with pleasure of this order." Burned!
Platt sez: "The overwrought sauces and steakhouse-style side dishes (dried-out pommes soufflés, treacly-sweet parsnip purée) don’t do much to alleviate this grim state of affairs." Moted!
On the service:
Bruni sez: "What saves these options from seeming gimmicky or exhausting is how enjoyable most of them are, how well they fit the restaurant's promotion of less hidebound dining and how succinctly the informed, ebullient servers help you navigate through them." Tssssss!
Platt sez: "The best of the group was the cod, which the chef flavors with perhaps too much acacia honey, and the swordfish, which is flavored with a blend of what my voluble waiter (I’ve noticed the complex mix-and-match menu formula tends to turn every waiter into a carnival barker) called 'Mediterranean spices.'" Oh no he di-int!
On the desserts:
Bruni sez: "It's equally hard to find restaurants that click as well as BLT Fish, which carries its melding of sophistication and sass through to desserts. They include a marshmallow-crowned rethinking of Rocky Road ice cream as a chocolate and praline cake that would look at home in a French pastry case." Dios mio!
Platt sez: "Neither do the desserts (a good bread pudding laced with apricots, boring chocolate praline cake, a nice meringue dish with banana passion-fruit sorbet), which are professional in a straightforward, uninspired way. You don’t even have to eat dessert, since every table receives a jar of gimmicky green cotton candy to chew on after the food has departed." Aiya!
On the price:
Bruni sez: "There's a rub, and it's the size of the final bill. On their own, an appetizer and entree can easily add up to about $50, and the profit-minded splitting of vegetables ($8) and starches ($7) into separate categories can push that total above $60 before dessert, drinks or tip." Busted!
Platt sez: "The John Dory I sampled tasted mildly vulcanized, even semi-frozen, and cost a grand total of $87. The puppy-size lobster was showered in an ingenious mix of panko bread crumbs and black olives but cost as much as a low-end iPod. Ditto the tasty, salt-baked New Zealand snapper, which cashed in at around $90, and the very good Cantonese-style red snapper, which is about four times what you can expect to pay for the same dish down in Chinatown." Awwww shizzy!
And for good measure, Gastropoda weighs in on the downstairs:
Schrambling sez: "I can’t say I wasn’t warned, repeatedly, but I was still stunned at how profoundly mediocre the food is downstairs at BLTFish. How can a charming Frenchman who made his name with brilliant takes on seafood at Cello be doing so much better with meat these days? One clue can be found in Food Arts: Instead of minding the stove, he’s posing for an Illy ad. He may 'live for moments of excitement and passion' on a motor bike, but some of us would settle for a piece of cod not cooked to slime on a bun." Jigga-who?!
(Lunch at the Shake Shack with my roommate and his friend Jon. My roommate & I have a Shack burger, a root beer float, and fries each, and we split a Chicago dog. At the end of the meal, he looks at my leftover piece of hot dog bun.)
HE: I'm impressed.
ME: That I didn't eat the bread?
HE: No, that you finished the hot dog.
(Ice cream time late Saturday night after returning home from a party. My roommate and I open the almost empty box of Sara Lee frozen pound cake and the half-melted but refrozen carton of Haagen-Dazs Mint Chip. HE sees the lone piece of pound cake and starts to double over with laughter.)
ME: What the hell happened to the ice cream?
HE: (Falls on the floor laughing, holding his sides.)
ME: (Laughing at HIS laughing) What's so funny?
HE: (More laughter.) You-- (more laughter) --I'm laughing-- (more laughter) --because you asked what the hell happened to the ICE CREAM-- (more laughter)
ME: Well obviously I KNOW what happened to the pound cake.
(Side-splitting laughter ensues. We must retreat to separate rooms.)
(and later)
HE: Sorry for making us fat.
Conversation between me and my roommate:
HE: (Walking out of the bathroom) So I was wondering if the white asparagus would make my pee smell.
ME: Did it?
HE: (Disappointed) Yes, it did.
While pouring half a jar of mayonnaise into a bowl for Baked Cheese Spread:
While forming chocolate-covered popcorn balls (made with popcorn, half a stick of butter, half a cup of sugar, half a cup of corn syrup, and two tablespoons of cocoa powder):
Whole Foods is so dangerous, especially now that it's conveniently on the way home for me at Union Square. They should have a sign like they do for roller coasters -- "You must be THIS TALL to ride" -- only the sign should say -- "If you are broke and you need to pay rent this week, you may not shop at this time. Go buy yourself a Happy Meal, you shmuck." For the second or third time this week, I went in intending to buy a small snack for supper and wound up buying $40 worth of groceries, which all fit in one slim, light bag. I go in and I see 365 Mint flavored Sparkling Mineral Water on sale for 69 cents and I think, "What a bargain! I must try it! And now I must buy that $3.69 bottle of pomegranate juice to mix it with!" (Incidentally, mint sparkling mineral water with Pom is a GENIUS refresher.) Or I go to the cheese counter for my dinner snack and I see the Brillat Savarin on sale for a mere $18.99/lb. So I buy a little block for just over $2, and then I think, well I have to get some complementary cheese -- how about this $8 piece of Hoch Ybrig?! And then, hm, I should get some salami or soppresata or something to eat with the cheese and baguette. Hey, why don't I get prosciutto instead! And if I'm getting prosciutto, why don't I get the most expensive 16 months aged Black Reserve Prosciutto San Danielle?
Complete disconnect. I need some kind of anti-Whole Foods electronic collar because I am not to be trusted in there.
