Category: Ruminations

I've been experiencing technical difficulties with my DSL provider, the diabolic Verizon. Long story short, I probably won't get the DSL back up and running for another two weeks. I'm cruising someone else's wireless router (thank you Airport!), but service is spotty and unreliable. Basically, I'm saying that I'll be in and out for the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, enjoy this snapshot of the fake mallomars from Fluff in Hell's Kitchen -- a reminder that in good eats, looks DO matter. I don't care how delicious it is, there is no way to put something that looks like dog dookie in your mouth and still look civilized.

Oh my god-arah, this guy is my hero.

Maybe this isn't news to you, but it's news to me. The Asia Food website has an excellent glossary with pictures so you too can know your fish maw from your balut. Especially useful for people planning on being contestants on Fear Factor.

Okay, I put a picture back up because I'm vain and there are at least 2 million ladies in this town that could be mistaken for me in that picture. Besides, partial nudity is way hotter than the full monty.

Hey, the Bloggies have a new category: Best Food Blog. I'm curious to see who made the cut. I've been trolling through lots of links, searching for fun food reads. Regina Schrambling is still my favorite for her smart humor and judicious use of words.

But I have to say, if there were a category for Best Food Blog Title, I might win. I mean, Clotilde, you are the cutest 25 year old Parisian bonbon ever, but Chocolate and Zucchini is a little too unintentionally kinky for comfort, doncha think? (Seriously, she named it Chocolate and Zucchini with her tongue a chaste distance from her cheek. Check out her precious explanation.)

By the way, all of this food blog chatter was brought on by this Boston Globe piece on food blogs. With no mention of eat drink one woman. I'm your dirty little secret.

I feel the same way I did when Margaret Cho came out as the O.G. potty-mouthed, fucked up Asian-Am faghag.  Like, uh-oh, somebody is running with my shtick and I am choking on their dust.  Check out the fabulous Chez Pim as I stand prostrate and humbled to the side.  She's cute, wears Christian Louboutins, reads and writes in French, English and Thai, makes her own curry pastes (with recipes), and earns enough money to fly to Paris, London and Thailand on a regular basis.  Beyotch!

The New York Times Science section has an interesting article on gene splicing in foods. I'm conflicted on where to stand on the issue of genetically modified foods. On the one hand, ya gotta hate Monsanto for creating suicide seeds that die after one generation and force farmers into serfdom with the big agribusiness companies. On the other hand, gene spliced foods are progress and progress always scares people.

In Lords of the Harvest, the biotech scientists working in genetic modification said they felt like they were the ecological good guys, trying to save our crops and soil from chemical pollution using innovative genetic techniques. And sure, it's creepy to think that some Dr. Frankenstein is splicing bug genes into a plant as a form of internalized pesticide, but let's think about agriculture here.

People are always touchy when it comes to the food they eat, and they should be, but I used to get these customers at the Greenmarket who would be like, "Is this corn GENETICALLY MODIFIED? You don't know?! How dare you ask me to feed this to my BABY!" But agriculture in and of itself is an act that messes with nature. Hybridization, a form of manual genetic selection, brought us the orange carrot -- the first carrot humans learned to eat were actually purple. Citrus trees don't grow from seed -- they require grafting onto a scion which would otherwise produce inedible fruit.

So what is the difference between agricultural techniques we've developed over centuries and genetic splicing? Technology. When it's a little farmer planting his white corn and his blue corn on opposite ends of the quaint little field so the kernels all come out one color per cob, it's charming. When it's a Ph.D scientist in a white lab coat with microscopes and genome sequences, it's Frankenstein. But let's not kid ourselves people: both the farmer and the scientist are "playing God" -- that is, creating what would otherwise not naturally exist.

The question is, where do we draw the line? Is it acceptable to have animal genes in food products? That still creeps me out and it doesn't really seem like a good idea because, as they point out in the article, natural fertilization produces far freakier genetic combos and a mutated mosquito corn just doesn't seem like something I want to have to deal with at a Saturday afternoon barbecue.

Of course I don't believe all progress is good progress. But I'm not totally convinced that genetic modification is the completely big bad evil people make it out to be. I believe the big bad evil in our society, not just in food but in EVERYTHING, is big business. And to combat big agribusiness and the phasing out of variety in our food supply, I believe in paying premium prices to support small farmers who can produce small batches of heirloom crops which require more care but just taste better. As long as the demand exists and grows, so will those precious plants.

I want to read the book they reference, The Frankenfood Myth. When I get around to it, we shall return to the subject.

The following is a Public Service Announcement:

After a light yet thoroughly satisfying meal at NY Noodletown of chicken congee with ginger scallion sauce and steamed Chinese vegetable with oyster sauce, my friend Kathy and I head west to warm up at her apartment. We're laughing about something undoubtedly silly and girly when the heavily-layered, cart-rolling Asian guy in front of us interjects irately, "NOT FUNNY! Don't-laugh-at-ME!" As we pass him on the sidewalk, he attempts to kick me in my boot-clad shins. Kathy and I laugh nervously, but glancing over our shoulders we see the man drag his cart in our direction, seething and muttering. We cut to the other side of the street and book because among his scant belongings, he has a rather pointy weapon shaped like an umbrella and I can't be expected to outrun an armed mercenary in my four inch heels.

So if you're walking down Bayard St., DON'T LAUGH. And if you do, don't say I didn't try to warn you.

When you live in New York, it's possible to be constantly playing host to a steady stream of visitors who want to know what to do while they're here. As I'm usually working, I rattle off a list of possible activities and meet up with the visitors after work to get some dinner. Since my friends are almost always on a budget, I let them know that though New York City is one of the most expensive cities in the world, it is very possible to enjoy it with minimal damage to your pocketbook.

I recently got an e-mail from a Doveman blog reader asking for tips on what to do and where to eat during his five day visit to New York. I compiled a list of activities and eateries grouped by neighborhood which would appeal to the kind of smart traveler who's not interested in catching Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick in The Producers or riding the stinky horse carriage around Central Park. Bookmark this entry because you know you are going to have to play host to someone soon, and you are not allowed to make New York look bad by acting like there ain't nothing to do in this town.

Here are my suggestions for your smart traveler:

*get Time Out magazine (new one comes out every Wednesday) and find things you want to do that are happening this week. their reviews are mainstream but they have the most comprehensive and easy to read listings of events around town.
*go to the Met (don't pay more than 25 cents to get in)
*go to the new MOMA (Fridays are free)
*of course there's also the Guggenheim
*Central Park walking, v. romantic
*walking around in general is the best way to get to know the city.
*If you're in upper Midtown, take a cab down 7th Ave. - that's the most civilized way to see Times Square.
*bring your lady to midtown for 5th/Madison Ave. window shopping at Barney's, Bergdorf Goodman, Bendel, Tiffany, etc.
*Also hit Barney's Co-op on 17th St. (I think).
*I don't know much about architecture, but my architecturally inclined friends like to see the Chrysler Building and its restaurant, the gorgeous Grand Central terminal, the Rem Koolhaas designed Prada store; the Cooper-Hewitt Design museum also tends to please archies.
*Fuck Broadway. Go to see some music. i don't know what kind of music you like, but check out the schedules for tonic, mercury lounge, bowery ballroom, irving plaza, pianos, all fun venues to see music.
*I love the Bronx Zoo and the Bronx Botanical Gardens, but that's not usually what people want to see when they visit. The Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are definitely worth visiting in the spring for their tres romantic cherry blossoms.
*Union Square Greenmarket on Saturday -- I am a huge fan of markets, and this one is fun at this time of year because you can warm up with a cup of hot cider as you meander around.
*bungalow 8 seems to be the hot celeb sighting club, if you feel like braving the jungle of the NY nightlife scene, but i don't know much about that kind of thing. I went once and it's quite a nice place, but I went on a quiet night and had a very Page Six Colin Farrell sighting.
*Passerby and Angel's Share are two bars which are usually fun for visitors -- Passerby has the fabulous disco lights dance floor, Angel's Share admits parties of four or less with tasty drinks expertly prepared by vested Japanese bartenders. But again, I don't know much about the whole bar scene.
*A new discovery, courtesy of my friend Winnie: Muse Karaoke in East Chelsea. Excellent song list, private rooms, huge flat screen TVs. I love it!

And now, where should you go to eat?

Food:
Here I will group by location. Most of the places will be on the cheaper side as I am BROKE and can appreciate the art of the cheap eat.

Chinatown:
Dim Sum Go Go -- artful dimsum, fresh ingredients, excellent dipping sauces in a retrofuturistic setting
Sweet n Tart cafe -- light nosh with great tong shui and dim sum things. i like the soup dumplings, steamed rice roll, turnip cakes, chinese vegetable. Don't miss the shrimp and watercress dumplings in clear golden broth -- a perfect dish, and one of the best deals in town at $3.25.
NY Noodletown -- a classic NY Chinese joint, everyone goes there, open late. Get the sea bass with black bean sauce, sauteed snow pea leaf, duck congee, sauteed flowering chives
Green Tea Cafe -- excellent hot tapioca tea, my favorite is black sesame tea with milk and tapioca

East Village:
Panya bakery -- Japanese style pastries, including whole wheat croissants, curry donuts (don't be a hater because you are going to thank me right before your artery clogs), and dainty little crustless sandwiches. Great place to pick up snacks for your Central Park picnic.
Minca -- delicious Japanese ramen by a ramen master. order the heavy toroniku ramen and the gyoza.
Cafe Mogador -- excellent cheap lunch special with the best salad and great entrees for $7. my favorite is the chicken tagine with preserved lemon and olives, served with couscous.
2nd Ave. Deli -- classic NY deli experience. best matzo ball soup ever, excellent burgers (go figure), best snappy hot dogs ever. pastrami is okay.
Prune -- Brunch is a great deal here. Incredibly delicious and interesting brunch options, like fried oyster omelet and pear german pancakes, 5 kinds of bloody marys.

Lower East Side:
Sugar Sweet Sunshine -- my favorite of the magnolia spin-offs. i always get banana pudding and the red velvet cupcakes.
Soy -- cheap homestyle Japanese food with emphasis on the great soybean, good hit if you're going to see a show at Tonic. Get the tofu salad, tofu avocado, meat gyoza, cod with ginger.

Union Square:
City Bakery -- best tarts, yummy cookies, excellent hot chocolate and lemonades. They also have an incredible salad bar with wondrous things like a yuba edamame salad, poached salmon with varied sauces, lots of items made with ingredients picked up almost daily at the Greenmarket.

Gramercy:
Les Halles -- classic french bistro, consistently good.

Soho:
Balthazar -- the best times to go are for continental breakfast (before 10:30 am), which is very civilized, or for the midafternoon menu (I like to get oysters at this time), or the late night menu. all other times are obnoxious and overcrowded. the food is consistently good and the desserts are excellent. don't miss the chicken liver and foie gras mousse.
Sullivan St. Bakery -- one of my most favorite snacks and my favorite pizza in NYC -- pizza pomodoro, potato pizza, pizza with champagne grapes, everything is incredible.
Lombardi's -- they claim to be the oldest pizzeria in the country, with their coal fired brick oven. Get the meatball pie, the clam pie with extra garlic. All pies are made with fresh mozz and a judicious amount of simple red sauce and come out of the oven with gorgeous blistery black edges.

West Village:
Pearl Oyster Bar -- midrange price, this is one of my most favorite places to eat in the world. the fried oysters are unbelievable, salt crusted shrimp, pan fried fish of the day, caesar salad with extra anchovy, butterscotch praline sundae -- everything is super fresh and super delicious.
Murray's Cheese Shop/Wild Edibles -- okay, you can't actually eat here, but you can pick up cheese and go to a friend's house or take them to the Botanical Gardens. It'll impress the shit out of your foodie friends, and if it doesn't, they don't deserve to be here and should be sent packing back to whatever sad town they're from.
Magnolia Bakery -- the first, always crowded, lots of fashion people -- you can go look at the marc jacobs stores while you're down there too. get banana pudding, carrot cake, devil's food cupcake with cream cheese icing.
Mamouns -- a hole in the wall falafel place -- get the falafel shawarma combo, it's the best in town.

Midtown:
Woo Chon -- my favorite Korean place, with different grills for different meats and hands down my favorite kimchee anywhere.
any of the 24 hr. places -- if you're drunk and want to eat some late night food, korean always hits the spot -- and a lot of the places are open 24 hrs. just take a cab to 32nd st. and go into one of the restaurants.

Upper West Side:
Barney Greengrass -- I don't know much above 14th St., but this place is pretty amazing for smoked fish brunch. I love the nova scramble with onions and a bialy with cream cheese. A little pricy, but a very NY bourgie deli experience.
Fairway cafe -- if you're in this part of the world and you need a good lunch, there's a great cafe above the Fairway market that serves great burgers, steak sandwiches, salads etc.
Beard Papa -- this is a Japanese chain of cream puff places. 2 flavors per day, my favorite are vanilla and green tea. there's also a location downtown at Astor Place.

I'm going to work on a couple more guides as inspiration strikes: The Big Splurge, Brooklyn Eats, and What the Hell Am I Going To Do With My Parents For A Week?

I ate the tamale!  Huzzah, my tapeworm is still alive!

Okay, the O.G. tamale lady has the edge over the newbie who's trying to surf her turf.  Hers are spicier with better texture and mouthfeel and a delicious green hot sauce.  The new kid on the block adds the strip of jalapeno, but her hot sauce is lacking in flavor.

That's going to be my new Jenny from the block insult.  "Oh yeah?  Well yo hot sawace is lacking in flava!"

(Why am I blogging so much today, you wonder?  I'm temping at a rather quiet assignment for a non-profit who don't have web-tracking software. mwahaahaaaaahahahaha.)