SPOILERS POSSIBLE!

Les Mis is so terrible. TEH-REEB-LEH. I never saw the original show, so perhaps two decades of hearing it talked up set my expectations too high. The singing is mostly acceptable, with the notable exception of Russell Crowe who, as my friend Mark said, causes the movie to DIE every time he opens his mouth. His speaking voice and demeanor are gruff and masculine, and then he starts singing and it’s like someone is erasing his penis.

Anne Hathaway – there is no truth in her acting. She is trying too hard. Basically her great accomplishment was whittling some fat from her already small body (which is topped by a pinhead, have you noticed?). Her slender noodle of a neck is very pretty, no doubt. But that does not a good performance make. Ugh, she’s going to win the fucking Oscar, though.

Which is all just fine and not that big of a deal until Amanda Seyfried comes on screen and wipes the floor with everyone else. The character Cosette has no dimension, but her singing is light and coloratura and her performance is sweet. Why is everyone talking about Anne Hathaway instead? I am annoyed on Amanda Seyfried’s behalf.

But Hugh Jackman is very likeable. I’ll thumbs up that guy. His voice isn’t perfect, but he’s a vocal good storyteller. And the kid who plays Gavroche is pretty charming.

Hollywood! I don’t understand you. Movies like this are why I only see one movie in the theater per year.